Pushy - me? Never...

I take mini-me every week to a drama and dance school called Sylvia Young’s in London. Some of you may have heard of it. It tends to produce such international stars as All Saints, Emma Bunton and that band with three spotty adolescents that pretend to be sort of Green Day like. I can’t bloody remember their name but they jump around the stage a lot whilst thrashing their guitars in a sort of wood chopper motion. I now I sound really old but they are really crap so I don’t mind. If anyone knows their name then let me know.

Anyway, back to the point. The most amusing thing about this place is that all the parents have aspirations of one sort or another for their kids. They go and learn skills like tap and jazz dancing, drama and singing and so clearly there is some goal here. The reason it is amusing is that everyone there, including me, is desperate not to be seen as the pushy parent and we all spend a great deal of time in back-slapping reassurance that it’s the others, not us. But if we weren’t pushy to some degree then would our offspring ever do well in life? Wouldn’t we be leaving them to the lottery odds of random success – maybe a one-off appearance on “Darren Day’s driving school on UK Crapping at 5am on a Tuesday?

Look at Tiger Woods. If his father hadn’t handed him a golf club as he emerged from the womb, he might not have become the legend he is today. If his father hadn’t cared enough to take him to the driving range every day, spend his money on kit and generally push Tiger forwards then it is quite possible that he would have been working in some mundane “for life” job and retiring at 65 with a pleasant pension and a wife called Janine or Angela instead of the incredibly fit bird he now has.

Another global icon, Emma Bunton may not have…actually forget that bit.

What I’m interested to understand is why WE are doing it. I have to be honest that at this point I am not particularly clear. Do we want our little one to be a singer, an actress, a dancer or just well coordinated with good posture and a clear voice? Am I a pushy parent or is everyone one and some just more overt than others?
I mean, if we were really sensible, we’d enrol her now at “Mini Investment Bankers” on a Saturday morning where they study such fun things as the ROI of apples vs pears or what valuation Big Ears places on Tina Doll’s ice cream parlour. At 14, talent scouts from Goldman’s would turn up and audition the children for future roles. They would receive sponsorship packages and further coaching. At 21 they would sign their life away for 10 years and at 31 they would retire with about £450m in the bank, and enough to support their scrounging, pushy parents who had the decency to get them there in the first place